Chapter Four - Desire Of Your Heart

were moments of forgiveness and sharing. We spent the better part of a day together talking “My burden has always been for leaders. I had been in the work of restoring leaders and

now, for the first time in my life, I was in the outer circle instead of the mainstream. They were looking for me to do what I had always done because they didn’t grasp the challenges of my son’s illnesses. I was fighting for the life of my son.

“The nature of ministry is a convoluted domino effect. When one thing falls, everything falls. In most careers you can have a marriage problem, and it doesn’t mean you have to lose your job. Ministry is different. Whether it’s your fault, whether it’s their fault, no matter who is to blame, the minister is responsible.

“I wanted distance from my problems. So I resigned all senior leadership positions that had of any kind of ministry responsibility. I was hoping my wife and I would experience a time of healing, but that didn’t happen. Also, I didn’t want to poison any of those churches with my marital difficulties. The marriage challenges of pastors tend to infect a congregation, so the best thing I could do was step aside. I worked years starting ministries, and I didn’t want them suffer because my wife and I were separating.

“We needed to get out of the mainstream of things, but I had hoped the people who loved us would find us. Between the ministry, my son, and my wife, one thing kept me going— forgiveness.

“I took ownership of things. I had failed in my own responsibilities. I always found enough stuff for me to deal with that I didn’t focus on other people’s failures, but I did confront them. I’d give people a chance to respond so I didn’t hide in a corner and get mad.

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