Chapter Three - Seeing God In Our Friendships

Hilary needed the comfort of her trusted relationship with Jen. All of Hilary’s family, including Jennifer who had her own practice, encouraged Hilary to seek counseling. “I gave her the name of two people and strongly encouraged her to go and begin talking. She did not want to go to counseling since she didn’t know the women, and she felt like this was such a touchy subject to discuss with a total stranger. She felt that she would ‘perform’ by giving them the answers they wanted to hear. It’s good that she knows herself well enough to understand she’d perform as she does in pageants. She’s very poised, verbal, and articulate.

“So she went twice to two different counselors, and her response was, ‘Jen, they just sit there. They don’t say anything, and there are these long, pregnant pauses. They can’t tell me anything I don’t already know. I want to talk to you.’

“I explained to her, ‘There’s this thing called a dual relationship. Therapists are not allowed to have more than one relationship with a client. Ethically I am not allowed to counsel a family member. I’m too close to you, so it will not work.’

“Hilary was insistent that she did not want to see anybody else. So I said, ‘OK, Hilary, I will not counsel you, but I will meet with you, and we will talk.’”

Jennifer had already given Hilary the lifeline she needed when they spoke during the days between the rape and pageant. This is what Hilary said: “My aunt Jen offered to take me to coffee and be there for me. We started meeting, and she’d ask how I was doing and be there. She was instrumental in me deciding to continue to compete in the Miss Scottsdale Pageant. It was four days later and I wasn’t sure if I was up for it, so I called Jen and asked for her advice. She told me nobody would care either way—they’d love me even if I didn’t compete, and they would all be there to support me if I did. So I decided to compete. Later we continued meeting.”

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