Chapter 3 - Seeing God in Our Friendships

As a result of Alexandra's worldwide ministry, countless professional Christian women have mentored friendships and enjoy deeper spiritual fulfillment with a greater understanding of God's purpose in their lives.

Finding quality counseling takes time, but God provides what we need when we need it. It is important that whomever you learn from is working staying accountable to God. God doesn't want us to hide behind the Bible or use our Christianity like alcohol. I chose someone who is married with children, because our common values will be the most productive way for me to learn and for my sponsor to impart wisdom.

The rooms of my 12-step recovery groups are filled with people coming from many diverse backgrounds and moral systems, but when we walk into the room, we work together for the same principles of living. This is the premise upon which we find our common ground and encourage each other.

It is the same as church; we all have different value systems. We all come from different walks of life, but we share the same desire: to know and love Jesus and each other in a deeper and more meaningful way.

Joy was a safe place to run when I needed wisdom and advice. I instinctively knew I could trust her. Finding someone with whom you feel safe is paramount. If you don't feel safe, you won't confide or confess. No one understands this better than Jennifer and her niece Hilary.

Hilary had a job at a radio station, was active in church, and had a very loving family and boyfriend. A baton twirler for her high school, she's competed all her life, including the Miss Arizona pageant twice.

On November 9, 2004, her life changed forever. Hilary was in the workout room at her apartment complex, exercising and tanning to get ready for the Miss Scottsdale Pageant. She finished about 9:00 p.m., walked home to her apartment, entered, and locked the door. She went in to take a shower and get ready for bed. As she stepped out, a man who had broken in through the window put a towel over her head.

For the next 45 minutes he raped her. While she was being raped, she heard God's voice tell her she was to forgive this man's actions. Hilary knew Jesus as her Savior and Lord and had a peace that if she died, she'd be in Heaven. As horrific as it was, she cannot imagine the terror of such trauma coupled with not knowing where you would go if you died. Because of her certainty, she was able to surrender the outcome of what happened. The attacker fled when her roommates returned.

That night in the hospital after the police and doctors left, Jennifer stayed. Hilary slept the next couple of days and tried to reorient herself. Jennifer remembered, "Hilary's sister saw her pageant items in the corner of her room and suggested keeping them all together in case she decided to compete in the pageant four days later.

"We all thought there was no way this girl was going to compete-it was a pretty bad assault. After a few days in a daze, she tried to decide whether to even attempt to compete. She went to her coach a couple of times to practice her routine, and her mother told the pageant coordinator Hilary would miss the first evening.

"I remember Hilary calling Thursday night and talking about whether she should compete in the pageant on Saturday. I told her that if she wanted to try but couldn't, it would be fine because no one expected her to compete. The significant part of that conversation was when we prayed. We prayed for God's will, not what Hilary wanted, not what the rest of us wanted, but what God wanted for Hilary.

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